At the age of 12, it was my first time I recognized myself that I prefered doing everything alone. It was the moment when I had a life by myself and without parents’ supervision.
Life was suck back then for I had got no friends and no family nearby. Then I decided to find an entertainment. It came to a small and old radio where I could listen to music and started to learn English.
Years have passed and my interest to music has turned me into a cold and introvert one.
Then I have concluded some points of my introvert “disorder”.
Avoiding the crowds – honestly I am NOT a big fan of party. In my home country Indonesia, I’ve never attended a pub or a club and enjoyed dancing on the floor. It is my biggest taboo thing. I have never seen any concert or live music or hardly ever present in my friend’s or relative’s wedding party or any function. Home is the best place where I belong. When I was in Australia, it was a bit different. It came to me several times when my friends tempted me for a party (not merely in a club), and I did say yes if I reckoned the party was worth going.
Sensing alone in the middle of people – for those parties I have been to, believe me, I felt like I found myself in the jungle where I had no idea how to escape. I felt empty. And those people around me were like strangers and I was like a tiny weirdo tied in a tight rope. These feelings had always haunted me.
Plugging my ears for hours – I have often thought that I can flee myself and get lost in an imaginary feelings and dream about having a perfect life with music. When I am overwhelmed, depressed or jolted down by reality, at least, music alters my mood and changes my inconveniently upside down life.
Stop talking with others – some say that silence is gold. For me, I silence myself when I am disappointed, when I am done with people and when I am sick of big-mouthed conversation. I am not really fond of having a convo with others.
Wandering independently – once, I tried to ask someone to get me companied when I went somewhere. It disappointed me when I knew that there was nobody I could rely on, then I carried on wandering alone. I like roaming in a mall, watching movies, and traveling, alone. I have done some solo-travelings and it gave me a huge relief and convinced myself that I could be more independent and more doing-everything-alone person.
These reasons I am stating do not wrap up my whole life story of who I really am. I mean, I have made friends, I have tried to socialise and become a more sociable person. I can be talkative, energetic, and witty as well.
But yes, overall, I really like to be all by myself and all alone. Because sometimes, people simply just harness me for any reasons, and get rid of me for others. And yes, I hate it.
So, why care?